Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All the doctor said was why
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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