i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
