just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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