He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
