I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
