I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
