I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
