I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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