Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
