matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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