NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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