yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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