Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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