She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
