she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
