i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just pee around me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
