So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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