Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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