So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
