Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
