now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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