Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
