I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
