sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you didnt know i had herpes?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
