What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
