I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
