what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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