i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
