and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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