My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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