I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
