I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how drunk are you?
Several
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
