Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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