I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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