last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
