so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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