Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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