...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
