I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
