I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
