May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
