it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
