the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
