Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
