I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
