what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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