I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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