Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
