but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
