U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
